If you’re doing SEO or PPC for water damage restoration, you might know to add things like “iphone” and “laptop” to your negative keyword list, since you don’t fix water damage in electronics.
But did you know you should also add words like “bird,” “well” and “snake”?
Read on for the weirdest search queries that led me to create a crazy-specific list of 67 negative keywords for my restoration PPC campaigns.
Anatomically Curious Queries
Water on the knee removal
I just don’t know how to interpret this one. If water’s on your knee, just, like … wipe it off? You can use anything from a towel to a napkin – or your shirt, even.
Use your friend’s hand.
Let your cat dry it off when he rubs against you.
Use a blow dryer.
Sit in the sun and wait for it to evaporate.
Do a reverse rain dance.
Whatever you do, just don’t search this and then click one of our ads. Because our clients do water removal in houses, not from knees.
I added “knee” to my negative keyword list.
Does smoking crack ruin your teeth
Of all the bad things smoking crack can do to you, this person wants to know if it will look like they’ve been smoking crack.
I just … I don’t have anything else to say about this.
I added “teeth” AND “crack” to my negative keyword list.
Can smoke from a house fi affect your body skin
Every time I read this, I chuckle to myself.
Like, “Oh? Your body skin? As opposed to … what?”
Seriously, what other kind of skin is there? Like, maybe fruit skin? On an apple or something?
Anyway, we already have “cigarettes” listed as a negative keyword, but this made me realize I should add “body,” “skin” and, apparently, “body skin” to my negative keyword list.
Possibly Illegal Queries
Waters cannabis oil extraction machine
The funny thing about this search query is that I can tell this query-er knew exactly what they were looking for. I mean, oil extraction – what now? This guy must be a professional smoker.
He even spelled “Cannabis” right.
I see search queries where people can’t even spell “water,” you know?
Of course, I added “cannabis,” “marijuana” and other non-house-fire-related smoking terms to my negative keyword list.
Water to bleach acceptable for cleaning up blood
OK, this is where it starts to get really interesting.
Sure, this could just be someone who had a nose bleed and wants to know if their Ralph Lauren button-up is ruined for life.
BUT: What if it’s not? You know?
What if this same person is also searching something like, “Can a full-grown man fit inside a Glad ForceFlex garbage bag without ripping it”?
Not that there’s anything I can do about it, I guess. Just something to think about when you’re lying awake, alone in the dark.
I added “blood” and “bleach” to my negative keyword list.
How to remove well water stains from car
At first, I laughed at this one out of pure shock. You know, like when something really surprising happens on The Office and you do that combo shout-laugh thing?
But then I started thinking about it – like, really thinking about it.
Did you ever see The Ring? Of all the movies I’ve seen in my life, nothing will ever scare me more than that bloated dead girl crawling out of a well and then out of a TV.
That little girl is all I can think of when I read this now.
And now I’m definitely sleeping with the lights on tonight.
I added “well,” “Samara” and “The Ring” to my negative keywords list.
Fire snake nutrition
What in Dante’s Inferno is a fire snake? That sounds like something straight out of a 5-year-old’s nightmare – like, something a kid draws in class that makes their teacher call their parents.
I did some research and found out that a fire snake is kind of like an astrological sign – “Year of the Fire Snake” kind of thing. Every website I go to lists its characteristics, but doesn’t say anything about its nutrition.
Is this query-er trying to determine the caloric value of a fire snake? Do you they want to eat it?
Or are they trying to figure out if they, themselves (as a fire snake), are healthy?
Whatever the case, I added “snake” as a modified broad match keyword and “fire snake” as a phrase match keyword to my negative keyword list.
What the ideal flooded temperature and humidity
This one is really a puzzler.
If your house is flooded, is there ever an ideal temperature or humidity level?
This query-er is a true optimist. In the dictionary, under the definition of “optimism,” this query should be listed as an example.
Our clients aren’t really trying to reach people who are trying to make the best out of their situation, so I added “ideal” to my negative keyword list.
If sewage is backing up on the ground is the water safe to drink
And the Darwin Award goes to …
No, but seriously though, let’s break this down. This query could mean one of two things:
- They want to know if they can drink the sewer water that’s on the ground. The qualifying term here seems to be “ground” and now “sewage.” OR:
- They want to know if the sewage on the ground – outside their home – is somehow affecting the water that comes out of their tap.
Our clients don’t do yard restoration and they don’t purify drinking water, so I added “ground,” yard synonyms and “drink” to my negative keyword list.
Sewage like worms in my clean house where are they coming from few not many
You know a search query is gonna be a really good one when it’s longer than about five words.
This is one of my very favorites to this day.
I just love how stream-of-consciousness it is, like the query-er just poured this out directly from the Unformed Thought section of their brain into Google. It almost feels like an intrusion to read it.
Maybe they were sleep searching? Kind of like sleep walking, but on the Internet? Stranger things have happened, right?
I just feel like that must be what happened because how can a worm be sewage-like? In smell? In consistency? In color?
If there are sewage-like worms in the house, can it still be considered clean?
Indeed, where are they coming from? What is the origin story of these sewage-like worms?
There are only a few now, but will more come later? What orders might come from the queen sewage-like worm? What havoc might be wreaked?
I added “worm” to my negative keyword list.
Can a bird die from smell of sewage backup in septic tank
If this sentence had been constructed with better grammar, it could almost be an excerpt from someone’s journal.
I’m worried I may have killed an innocent bird today. Can a bird die from the smell of sewage backed up in the septic tank?”
There’s a story here that’s itching to be told. I HAVE to know what happened to the bird. Why does this query-er think that the smell of their waste caused it to die?
In any case, thanks to this search query, I now know that I need to add “bird” and “die” to my negative keyword list. I’m also thinking of adding a list of different bird species – just in case.
My 2007 nissan pathfinder is leaking water every day why but its not leaking
So, like, is it leaking or not? What are you asking me here?
Even if any of my clients did water damage repair for cars, I’m just not sure how they could help this person. I don’t know if this query-er even knows what they’re looking for.
I already had “car” and other related words in my negative keyword list, but then I started getting really specific with the brands and models. If I were you, I’d just find the most popular car models and cram them into your negative keyword list.
Removal of swimming pool
This is another one that gives me the giggles. I just cannot fathom why anyone would need to search this.
I keep imagining this really rich guy, right – just this disgusting wealthy, portly little dude coming out of his mansion, donning a silk bathrobe, French-press coffee in hand.
He’s yawning, stretching; he blinks open his beady eyes at the oasis in his several-acre backyard, and he’s just like:
“Ugh! Seriously? This pool is still here? Could someone PLEASE remove this thing already? Just get it out of my sight.”
This query led me to add “pool” and lots of other related words to my negative keyword list.
Why we hazel water for face cleanup
I tried and tried and tried to figure this one out. There has to be more here – maybe someone is trying to contact me through code.
I was pouring over definitions of hazel, trying to find one that was a verb. I was like Mel Gibson tearing through pages of The Catcher in the Rye in Conspiracy Theory.
But guess what: Hazel isn’t a verb. So, sorry, query-er, but I have no idea why (or how) anyone might hazel water for face cleanup.
This query led me to add “hazel” to my negative keyword list, as well as a number of other eye colors.
You can keep unqualified query-ers from clicking your ads and running up your budget by adding this list of negative keywords to your account.
If you’re interested in getting more water damage leads online, sign up with LeadAmigo today.